I feel as if I'm in the process of an awakening. Since the birth of my second son (just over 5 months ago) I feel like I've been on a journey to "find myself."
I had no idea I was lost, of course. I thought I had been living life exactly as I wished. That I was exactly who I wanted to be. That things were going along just fine. But something happened when that son was about two weeks old. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Holy crap, I'm done."
I'm done with everything I thought I'd ever do in my life. I graduated from college, got married, got a good job, bought a house and had two kids.
I suddenly felt lost, confused, overwhelmed. I felt like I didn't have anything else to look forward to. Like I was quickly becoming the stereotypical stressed out working mother who longs for the passion and zeal of her youth.
"Not me," I thought. But what's the next step?
I'm still figuring that out, of course, but what I can say I've learned is this: My identity is not determined by the job I have, the person I marry or the number of children I deliver. My identity is not determined by how much I weigh, how clean my house is or my debt-to-income ratio. My identity is not even determined by the gifts and abilities I possess.
My identity is determined by Christ and Christ alone.
When I pray to God to show me who I am, to help me figure out what He wants me to do with my life, He reminds me that I am created in His image. He calmly reassures me that the only way I'll know who I'm supposed to be is by knowing who He is.
It's such a simple truth, but it packs such a huge punch! (For me, at least.)
God is reminding me that there's so much more to be done in this life. He's awakening in me a passion to live life not for myself but for others. It's sparked a joy and an excitement in me that is tough to articulate. I feel like He's pulled back the curtain I thought was at the back of a room to reveal that the room actually goes on and on forever. I'm wowed.
I don't know what you may be thinking as you read this. Maybe you're in the same exciting place as me and are smiling and nodding in agreement. Maybe you think I'm crazy, that my impending 30th birthday has caused me to create an alternate reality to cope with the fact that I'm no longer young, hip or cool. Maybe you are down in the dumps feeling like there's nothing left for you.
Wherever you are, whatever you're thinking, I encourage you, implore you to reach out to Christ. Don't look to your circumstances for hope. Look to the One who is Hope. He knows you. He gave you an identity and a purpose before the foundations of the Earth were laid. He has a plan for you! Be encouraged, friends. Life is good!